My journey began when I my first daughter at home. I winced with every contraction,  I pushed for four hours, breastfeeding was painful, and I was constantly fighting against a depleting supply. At seven months postpartum, I decided to give up breastfeeding because it felt impossible to continue. To a medical professional, my experience was normal and common. I said to myself, “Motherhood is not meant to feel like this.” I refused to believe this was normal. I could not accept that my body was incapable of nourishing my daughter for as long as she needed. I knew birth & breastfeeding is designed by an all-powerful and intelligent God, who would have thought so carefully about each step, so why didn’t it feel like that? 

I had my son a year later. My second birth was triumphant, beautiful, and reviving. My second birth was extremely peaceful and empowering. It was challenging, of course, but it did not destroy me. I breastfed with no issues from day one and never had any problems. I never once worried if I had enough. 

My births looked exactly the same from the outside. Both at home, same husband, similar midwifery team, same pain management techniques, no medical emergencies, so outwardly and from a medical point of view they looked exactly the same. But inwardly, they were at opposite ends of the spectrum.

One was traumatic and arduous, the other, healing and peaceful. 

It wasn’t fluke or that I had more experience the second time around. 

So what was the difference? Why didn’t I wince in pain this time? Why wasn’t breastfeeding painful or challenging?

I did two things.

I gained primitive knowledge. Meaning, I discovered how our physiology is meant to work. Information our bodies already knew how to do, but slowly, overtime with societal expectations and interferences, we have lost that information. 

Secondly, I eliminated fear. Fear that was built up by false repetitive narratives such as “birth is scary, horrible, or the worst pain you’ve ever felt.”

Society teaches birth is painful and there’s nothing you can do about it. They teach only a lucky few are able to exclusively breastfeed and some women simply don’t make enough milk. That is not what I teach. Education about how our physiology operates is what can set apart a woman who experiences a peaceful birth, or a difficult one. Or a woman who reaches her breastfeeding goals and who doesn’t. 

I found the information I needed in order to be able to work with my physiology, rather than against it. Motherhood is natural, and nature has its challenges, but natural works. It flows. If it feels stressful or there is resistance, you’re working against something biological. It is now my passion to help and teach parents what I learned to ensure they too can achieve a peaceful birth, breastfeeding, and parenting experience. 

This is me at 9.5 cm telling my sister, “Take a silly one.” To prove there can be joy during birth. This was exactly how I pictured birth to be. 

Get the book, Fearfully & Wonderfully Made, to find out how I did it!

What are some things you’re bringing into your second labour and what are some things you’re leaving behind?