Sometimes birth does not always go as planned, even if you did everything you could to have the birth you desired. Sometimes, separation from your baby does occur. If your baby is taken to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) it is the best for your baby – but not being able to hold or bring home your baby can be accompanied with many negative emotions. There are several things you can do to confidently cope with this time and bring forth a feeling of power.
Hand Express
Hand expression is an excellent modality for feeding a baby. God knew that some babies may have trouble latching at first or cannot latch due to separation despite all efforts to have a peaceful birth. Your body is still equipped to deal with latch issues, low weight gain, and separation. Hand expression gives your baby perfectly good food made for them and it resolves any engorgement as your milk comes in.
Hand expression is an effective way to express the milk a baby needs – even colostrum. It simply needs to be caught and fed to the baby with a finger, spoon, or open cup. A smaller container, called a colostrum collector, is a small price to pay with a big advantage. It’s a smaller container which is most appropriate for the small volume of colostrum. After birth, if your baby has trouble latching, if there is pain, or your baby is transferred to the NICU, begin expressing colostrum within the first 30 minutes and continue every two hours (day + night) until you reunite with your baby.
This step is just as important for you as it is for your baby. Remove the milk so your body knows there’s baby to feed. If milk is not removed during separation, milk supply may be inadequate to meet the baby’s needs when you reunite. Ineffective milk removal (particularly the cause of this is skipping nighttime feedings or expressions) may also lead to engorgement, mastitis, or breast abscesses. These issues can make breastfeeding more difficult to navigate.
NOTE: Breasts are never truly empty. There will always be another drop of milk. Emptying your breasts is not the goal; it is to frequently remove the milk. Give yourself 5 minutes on each breast to allow the let down reflex to occur. After the let down, continue expressing until the largest volume of milk/colostrum has slowed down. Don’t aggravate your breasts or exhaust yourself by squeezing the last few drops out.
Inform all the staff that you do not want your baby given artificial milk and that you are providing all the milk for your baby. Have your partner deliver the colostrum or milk to the NICU if that is available.
It’s possible that if a woman practices hand expression, they are able to get more from hand expression than they do with pumping. Go figure that God’s design would be more effective than man’s design (pumping). Unless you receive a true medical diagnosis that your body physically cannot feed your baby by the breast, there’s really no need to buy a pump. Short term troubleshooting can and should be managed with hand expression.
Below there is an amazing and powerful link to demonstrate effective hand expression.1 Do not be discouraged at the amount of milk the women are expressing. White liquid that is spraying from a mother’s nipple is breast milk and abundant. Pay attention to the mother’s expressing a yellow golden colour liquid that is coming out in only droplets. This is colostrum and not abundant, so every drop matters! Your baby’s body knows it’s the bridge that connects the both of you.
Write Letters
An important part of motherhood while you’re waiting to be reunited with your baby is to remember how powerful you are. To remember that just because your baby needs medical attention, you are not useless. Your baby wants you and knows you more than you know. Your baby knows your voice and is waiting for you.
There is a proven experiment about how our words carry immense power. Cut an apple in half and place one in an open bowl labeled “Good Apple.” Then place the other one in another bowl and label it, “Bad Apple.” Leave the two apples on the counter and speak words towards the two halves of the apple that reflect their labels. Say bad and unkind words to the bad apple, “You’re worthless, you’re stupid, no one wants you.” And say good things to the good apple, “You are loved, you are beautiful and juicy and so delicious.” Notice over the next few weeks as the “bad apple” begins to rot faster.
This experiment is to remind mother’s how powerful their voice is. That their voice holds power strong enough to strengthen their little baby. While you are waiting in the hospital or at home for your next awaited visit to see your baby, write a letter to your baby. Write all the things you wish you could say to them in that very moment. Tell them how strong they are, tell them how their lungs will get stronger and muscles will become bigger. Tell them how much mommy and daddy are so proud of them and how much you love them.
Writing a letter does two things. One; it provides an uninterrupted slew of positive affirmations for your baby to hear while you’re with them. Even if you don’t believe it, you’re baby knows you were thinking of them while you were not with them and THAT will have a positive impact. They may not be able to understand it, but their body will and it’s their body that uses that information needed to thrive.
Two; writing a letter will empower you, the mother. It reminds you that you still have a job to do even if you have been separated. Your role as a mother is not second to the medical attention your baby needs, it’s on par. It is necessary and it is valuable. Remembering this, focusing on writing letters, and expressing colostrum, can help a new mother who is not able to hold her new baby by keeping her mind occupied. The time after birth is precious and sacred, even when there is separation. It is important for a mother to remain in control and powerful as her body regulates the fluctuated hormones for afterbirth. Sitting alone with no motivation is an environment you want to stay far away from. So keep yourself busy, write the letters, as many as you want, and express colostrum.
Ask A Friend For Breastmilk
With the amount of mother’s in this world, this is one area in which I would love to see us support each other more. Whenever a friend gives birth, I express a little milk for them, just in case there is separation. The demands of providing all their baby’s milk needs can be exhausting. Having a break once or twice a day so mom can get a little more rest – without introducing artificial milk – can be helpful. This is literally the least I can do for a friend! This is women helping women. This is literally my job as a woman, to support and provide breast milk to a friend who may be having difficulties or navigating motherhood for the first time. Women should not have to feel like artificial milk is the only alternative when breastfeeding difficulties or sleep deprivation occurs.
When You Reunite
Do not pump! I say it again, do not do it! Pumping is a recipe for low supply, engorgement, mastitis, and breast abscesses. There is no reason pumping should be done if you have your baby home with you (as long as there is no pain with breastfeeding and baby’s diaper output is adequate).
Refrain from swaddling and offering a pacifier during the day. These apparatuses inhibit a baby’s natural instincts in order to alert the parent that they are hungry. Instead of waking to feed or sending the signal that they need to feed, they appear to be “content” and the mother prolongs feeding. Use the day to bed-share while you nurse (and rest) as frequently as your baby would like. If you find your baby is only content if they are breastfeeding, this is completely normal! As long as they are satiated at that breast, let your baby be there as much as possible, especially if there is low weight gain.
Lastly, postpone visitors holding your baby. Typically a new baby is contentedly held by visitors in a swaddle and/or with a pacifier, so again, there is a restriction in their ability to tell you they are hungry. Pass the baby around unswaddled, with no pacifier and see how long it lasts. If your baby is unsettled unless they are held by you, then listen to that and feed your baby. If you are uncomfortable feeding in front of your guests, then don’t have any. This time is so crucial for your baby to have extra skin-to-skin and use every opportunity that your baby wants to nurse. Don’t suppress your baby’s need to nurse because someone wants to hold your baby.
These suggestions are especially important during the first few weeks you have been reunited with your baby. Your baby will benefit greatly from the extra skin-to-skin and can make an incredible difference for your baby’s ability to gain weight.
Peace Of Motherhood 
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