January 30, 2025

I remember the dark days after my milk supply dried up with my first child. I quit two months after I became pregnant with my second. Two months of nausea and exhaustion. Seven months of worrying about how to increase milk supply, worrying if my baby was getting enough, topping up with a bottle of formula after every feed. I didn’t want to quit, but I didn’t know how to continue.

When I gave birth to my son and began breastfeeding again my daughter was now fourteen months old. She had not been breastfed for over six months and it broke me all over again. Knowing I couldn’t give her what I could give my son but I was determined to make up for it. I knew I could still make a difference in her development and in our relationship. I can’t change the past, but I have power in the present. I still strive to create the strongest bond I can, even though I never got the privilege of breastfeeding into late infancy or toddlerhood with her. My story does not end here. Though I didn’t breastfeed as long as we both wanted to, I look forward to helping my own adult children or other women navigate the journey of breastfeeding when they have babies of their own. I can help my child have the support and information I didn’t have.

Here is the really great news: great moms always produce thriving children no matter what they feed their babies. This is where people often promote feeding artificial milk because their formula fed child is thriving. This is because they are fantastic moms, not because formula is equal or comparable to breast milk. There are more elements that contribute to a baby or child thriving beyond breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is only one element of supporting a baby’s ability to thrive. If I can, I will do everything I can do make it work – including refining my knowledge of breastfeeding so I could reach my goals in the future. But if I can’t, God made humans incredibly complex and adaptable. 

Just as a formula fed child can still thrive, a breastfed infant can still fail to thrive. Some mothers may fall short on breastfeeding, but put in an incredible amount of effort to love and support her child. Another mother may have naturally chosen breastfeeding for no reason at all, but fails to provide love, support, gentleness, and safety for her child.

In the 1950’s, there was an experiment conducted on monkeys by a researcher named Harry Harlow. He separated two baby monkeys from their mother and presented them with two surrogate mothers. One mother was made from soft cloth material but could not dispense milk. The other one was made from wire mesh but could dispense milk. The study revealed the baby monkeys spent most of their time clinging to the mother who was made from cloth even though it was not able to provide nourishment. The study concluded that comfort and security are crucial for healthy psychosocial development.¹

In my book, Fearfully & Wonderfully Made, I explain the many ways in which my husband and I strive to meet the needs of our children that are beyond breastfeeding.

References
1. S. L. (2024). Human Conception And Genetics [Lecture]. Sophia Learning. https://app.sophia.org/spcc/lifespan-development

What brought you comfort while you navigated your breastfeeding journey ending earlier than you hoped?